What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:06
She married twice! .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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So, i spoilt her more .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He knew the spot.
Why do people see porn pics when they can watch porn videos instead?
All the time i was locked up.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I will be 64.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
How are Hinduism and Sikhism related, considering they both originated in Punjab, India?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I think the readers, may guess!
Is it recommended to leave a note in a lost wallet asking for it to be returned?
She found it foreign!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She wouldn,t have been !
What is your analysis of Walter White from Breaking Bad?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What is the best case of “You just picked a fight with the wrong person” that you've witnessed?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Who then, do I blame.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I waited trembling.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was in good health!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I said to her
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im still living with it.
I was very sick at this time too.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
We all went to grammer schools
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What did i know ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
This is soul school!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She loved him until the end.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Put me off passion for life!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I have no regrets .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Comes on , in middle age.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it wasn’t much.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I never cut or harmed myself..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I write beautiful poetry .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
(And it was in our own minds.)
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I don,t even have a pension.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Was to survive, this bastard.
It was going to be , some day.
Ive learnt so much.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
When she asked me how she looked .
One cannot live in the past .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We were not on the streets..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was 9 years of age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And i lived it daily.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.